Below is a live blog of my notes from the sessions of the Global Leadership Summit, along with any personal reflections in blue. I have attempted to quote verbatim, and/or record faithfully the points and meaningful lessons as originally intended by the speaker. I apologize for any mistakes, typos, or errors in my transcriptions.
Why do we need to learn the art of negotiation? Well, any time there’s a want, a need, etc., we’re in a negotiation. We are in 5-7 negotiations every day. If “I want…” or “I need…” are coming out of your mouth.
Is this a skill? It’s absolutely learnable. cf. The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle.
What should be in our mind when we are negotiating? Really hear the other side out. Connect. Turn the negotiation into a collaboration. If the other side feels that you’ve connected with them, you’ll get little, “that’s right.”
“Tactical empathy.” Empathy has become confused with sympathy and compassion. Empathy is not compassion, though it is a very compassionate thing to do. Empathy is just completely understanding where someone is coming from, and being able to articulate that back to them, even the parts that you don’t like.
“Listening is a Martial Art.” Negotiation is just a tool.
“Mirroring.” It’s just repeating the last words that they just said. It keeps people talking, and shows that you’re listening.
We feel safe and protected when we say “no.” We feel like we’ve made no commitments, and we can go on. A calibrated “no” is at least five “yeses.”
Some of us are uncomfortable with dynamic silence. You’ve got to be willing to go silent and let the other person go on. If I remove barriers to agreement, we’ll get there faster. Rather than say “you’re right,” say “that’s right.” The phrase “you’re right,” is a phrase to get the other person to stop talking.
“Effective Pauses.” Give people a chance to talk. We have three responses, “fight,” “flight,” or “make friends.”
“Be likable.” You’re six times more likely to make a deal if you’re liked.
“I understand” is a phrase that people use so they can start talking.
The word “why” makes people defensive. Switch the “why” to a “what.” Instead of saying “Why did you do that?” say “What made you do that?”
“How” helps to shape thinking.
What happens when you feel the negotiation is slipping away? I’ll call it out. It’s probably because I haven’t earned your trust. I’m going to encourage you to share with me what the problem is.
Negotiation is about what’s happening in the future. Talking about a successful future together, instantly makes me more valuable, because I’m not out for me, but I’m out for everybody, and everybody’s success.
Always make yourself more valuable than what you’re being paid. That in some ways makes you limitless.
What happens when fear creeps in? We’re hardwired for fear; our system is 75% fear. The hack is to be genuinely curious.
[cf. “The opposite of fear…”]
People are more apt to change when systems failure is immanent. Change is more a product of survival than innovation.
There’s a huge difference between being busy and being fruitful. Being busy is tied to action. Being fruitful is tied to results.
Collaboration is a force multiplier.
What is rejection? What is this thing we are afraid of? Turns out, rejection is just a numbers game. If I wanted to get a yes, I just have to go talk to enough people. If you go through enough “no’s” eventually you’ll get a “yes.”
Consider the rejections of J.K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter.”
Rejection is also an opinion. When it comes to rejection, we think it’s all about us. It’s not. It’s just an opinion.
Rejection is growth. As soon as I started putting myself into rejection situations, I started to gain confidence.
When it comes to leaders, we think we need many tools. But the truth is, you can learn a lot of things, but most people will learn and forget. To retain the knowledge, you need to put them into practice.
Today I’m launching www.dareme.com.
You can lead yourself by leaning into your fear, and you can impact others by giving them challenges.
Heat and humidity will cause you to make the worst decisions of your life.
If you solve problems, you are a creative.
Every creative professions should be three things: prolific (a lot of work), brilliant (good work), and healthy (sustainable work), all at the same time.
Prolific + Brilliant – Healthy = FRIED
Healthy + Brilliant – Prolific = UNRELIABLE
Prolific + Healthy – Brilliant = FIRED
First question: If this (prolific + brilliant + healthy) were your definition of success, how are you doing? This is possible if we create the following:
STABILITY | Clarity + Protection
CHALLENGE | Permission + Faith
EARN THE RIGHT to be followed. Never assume they’re with you.
BEING A SUPERHERO
Influence (principle) vs. control (presence)
Take care of #1. As Goes the leader… If you are not inspired, you cannot inspire. If you have not filled your well, you cannot fill others. Your team should be drinking from the overflow of your life.
The measure of your greatness is not the work you do, but the ability to unleash the brilliant work of others.
[missed the session]
Who are you before anyone told you who you are supposed to be?
If your body could talk to you, what would it say?
Who are your people?
No matter what causes your loneliness, nothing prepares you for its constant presence.
- Increases depressive symptoms
- Increases powerful stress hormone–cortisol
- Decreases the quality of our sleep
- Increases your vulnerability to impulsive behaviors
Prof. John Cacioppo
Text LEVELUP to 345-345 or josaxton.com/gls2019
Some sharing, not from the summits, but from the valleys.
FAILURES. Failure have made me. There’s no shortcut to your goals that avoid failure. Embrace your failures. Don’t run from them. They are doorways that you’ve got to pass through if we’re to succeed.
FEAR. Face it. Become friends with it. As we edge towards our fears, so often, the fears melt away. So often the way over our fears is right through the middle.
Life doesn’t require us to be perfect. Life requires us to “keep going.”
FIRE. The fire to keep moving forward against the odds, to endure beyond the norm. Nobody is really brilliant or brave. But within all of us is the ability to just give a little extra right when it counts. “Just a little further.” The difference between ordinary and extraordinary, is that little word “extra.”
FAITH. Faith says that I am known, loved, and forgiven, regardless of how many times I fall down and fail.
N.G.U. Never Give Up
Impressing is not the same as connecting. As a leader, to really move, stir, and inspire, you cannot communicate with the head. You have to connect with the heart.
Heart Over Head: The Power of Emotions in Leadership
I would submit that emotions are not only relevant and important, but the catalyst for growth. The fastest way to change solon’s mind is to connect with their heart.
We often want people to “know,” and then “do.” But knowledge doesn’t actually lead to action. The difference between knowledge and emotion is knowledge leads to conclusions while emotions lead to actions. Add to the equation of knowledge >>> doing, “feeling.” So, knowledge >>> feel >>> do.
How do we create the emotions that lead to action?
1. Share Stories Purposefully. The “emotional processor” is automatic and unconscious. The “logical processor” is controlled system. The “logical processor” is also energy sapping. The “emotional processor” is the default, and never rational. The “logical processor” compromises, and rationalizes for the emotional side. When you use a story, you connect the heart of the emotions to the strength of the logic igniting a powerful action.
2. Choose words deliberately. The words you choose determine the emotions people feel.
3. Show Vulnerability Thoughtfully. We impress people through our strengths, but we connect through our vulnerability.
People would rather follow someone who is always real, rather than someone who is always right.
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